Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
