People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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