hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize