It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
