guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you win again, gameday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
