Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
