i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
