Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize