i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
