Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
