the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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