very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
