I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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