Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
