Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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