My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize