and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
