Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
