and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I die, sorry about rent.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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