yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
