i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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