some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
