He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize