My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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