Don't make out with my wife yet
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize