just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
