we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
