I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
