Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
