Little spoons don't ask big questions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
