dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
