I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
