handjob tips. give me some.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
