If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize