I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
