Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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