Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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