Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
