actually, I'm a sock model
i already hear my dad disowning me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
