he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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