whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
