Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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