Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
