what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
