you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
