I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize