We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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