I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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