also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pants are for mortals
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
