I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
