do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
