His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
