Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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