Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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