sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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