I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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