No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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