but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize