Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
