The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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