sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
