Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
