Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
