I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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