in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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