What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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