party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
