I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have feelings that need drinking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize