his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
