Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
