Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My feet surprised me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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