Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
