Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
