he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Farmville is her only friend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize