no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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