i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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