Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
