He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
