Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize