im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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