Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
