He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
