I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
