I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
