So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize