youre lurking in front of me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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