he referred to my room as the tit cave...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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