I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
