I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just pee around me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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