Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize