All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
