Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
