You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this just has baby written all over it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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