I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
