and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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